A love bank is how you feel connected, cared about and valued by others.

The concept of a LOVE BANK was first developed by Dr. William Harley in 1986. It is how you consciously or unconsciously keep track of how others treat you.

Like a bank that holds our money, making more deposits than withdrawals are one way to ensure you have successful, healthy relationships.

In evaluating your “account,” first evaluate if you are overdrawn and if the withdrawals tend to happen more often and/or are larger than your deposits.  You might need to work on your instincts and habits that consistently make withdrawals.

I have found it is important to know how deposits in your bank can be made so others do not have to guess or “mind read.”  Our emotional needs typically fall within 5 categories, or love languages, which were developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992.  They are:

  1. Words of affirmation – being encouraging, acknowledging positives, etc.
  2. Acts of service – helping in ways that are meaningful to the other person
  3. Receiving gifts – anything from a card up to something more extravagant
  4. Quality time – spending time together in ways that are meaningful to the other person
  5. Physical touch – showing physical affection


Over the years, I have found people tend to show their love in the ways they feel loved.  Therefore, it is crucial each person identifies specific behaviors within each category that make them feel loved.

For example, if you like to sit next to your partner on the couch but your partner wants their space, you might feel rejected.  Or, if you help your partner by researching something on the Internet and telling them what to do, while they want to make their own decision, this could lead to anger and resentment.

So…identify your love languages by taking this super simple test, https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/, come up with a list of at least 10 examples for each of your top categories and share it with others!

You will find you feel more connected, valued, and loved!
Dr. Irgang
Dr. Lisa Irgang is a Clinical Psychologist and the Owner of Relationship Solutions Center. She provides a variety of services to meet her clients needs. Dr. Lisa has worked with people throughout Chicagoland, helping with adjusting to significant life changes, ADHD, Alternative Sexualities, Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Dealing with Chronic Illness, Depression, Low self-esteem, Parenting special needs children, Relationship concerns, and Trauma. She's a graduate of Argosy University Chicago and a Fellow at CLII - Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois.

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