Dr. Irgang
Dr. Lisa Irgang is a Clinical Psychologist and the Owner of Relationship Solutions Center. She provides a variety of services to meet her clients needs. Dr. Lisa has worked with people throughout Chicagoland, helping with adjusting to significant life changes, ADHD, Alternative Sexualities, Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Dealing with Chronic Illness, Depression, Low self-esteem, Parenting special needs children, Relationship concerns, and Trauma. She's a graduate of Argosy University Chicago and a Fellow at CLII - Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois.
10 Feb 2022

Thursday Thoughts on Mental Illness shares more information about Depression

Back in December, I promised to share information about the remaining four types of Depression.

Phew, that was a long time ago.  LOL  I try to practice what I preach and my time management has been a bit off.

As a reminder, in the last post of Thursday Thoughts on Mental Illness I discussed Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Major Depression Disorder, Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia), and Premenstrual Disorder.

That brings us to:

Substance/Medication-Induced Depressive Disorder

This diagnosis applies when depression developed during or soon after intoxication, withdrawal, or exposure to a substance or medication.  In these situations, there needs to be evidence the Depression cannot be attributed to a non-substance related situation.

Depressive Disorder Due to Another Medical Condition

This diagnosis is used when depression is specifically caused by the physiological effects of another medical condition.  Common medical conditions include Huntington’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, a stroke, or a TBI (traumatic brain injury).

Other Specified Depressive Disorder

This diagnosis is used when there are several symptoms of depression that cause impairment in social, occupational/school, or other critical areas of functioning but there are not enough symptoms to qualify for one of the other diagnoses in the Depression category.

Unspecified Depressive Disorder

This is similar to other specified depressive disorder, yet the clinician might not have enough information and wants to gather more information before giving another diagnosis.

I just realized it would be helpful to talk about why we use diagnoses as a profession.  I’ll share my understanding and thoughts with you next time on Thursday Thoughts on Mental Illness.

Transforming Relationships From the Inside Out

9 Feb 2022

Relationship Wisdom Wednesday talks about assumptions

In this past week, there has been a common theme of communication problems with the couples with which I am working.  Specifically, making assumptions.

Many of you have likely heard the saying, don’t make assumptions because they make an

                        ASS out of U and ME.

It can be a good guideline, though not completely bad or avoidable.  I usually tell folks there are some safe assumptions in relationships.  For example, if you are out to eat and a family member is in the bathroom when the server takes drink orders, and if you know that person’s usual drink, you can safely assume ordering that drink for them would be okay.

A common mistake I have seen this week, and over the years, is that folks believe they know what a person is thinking or means by their words and/or actions.  Whether you know someone for 6 months, 6 years, or 6 decades, there is no guarantee your assumptions are correct.

Best practice is to ask for clarification.

Some ways to do this include:

  •             I think I heard you say…., is this correct?
  •             The story in my head is…., is this correct?
  •             My assumption is…., is this correct?

Notice the commonalities between these examples is two-fold.  First, speaking from the first-person perspective.  You are sharing your thoughts.  Second, the double-checking.  Ask for validation of your perspective while also giving the second person a chance to correct your assumption.

The first part of communication is being a good listener.  Being a good listener means you must make sure you hear and process the information being shared correctly.

Try to engage with others with an open mind and approach with curiosity. Stay tuned for more thoughts about communication on Relationship Wisdom Wednesdays.

creating closeness and transforming relationships from the inside out.

7 Feb 2022

Mental Health Monday talks about developing a sense of self-worth and positive self-esteem

A common question I am asked is “how do we develop our sense of self-worth and a positive self-esteem?”

From my perspective, our self-worth begins to form in infancy.  As a newborn, we sense our value through basic caretaking – keep me fed and keep me comfortable.  When we show delight in children through skin-to-skin contact, replication of sounds (playing), and learning how to interpret the early “talking” of the various cries, babies feel our love and connection.

There are countless ways we can continue to show children they are valuable, worthy, and loveable as they grow.  We start with the basic needs and pay attention to many other needs as infants become, toddlers who then become preschoolers, and school-aged children.  Those school-aged kids keep on growing until they are in middle school or junior high ending up in high school.  (Yes, some follow that up with further education, but for simplicity’s sake, you will hopefully, allow me a bit of leeway. 😊)

The time with “good enough” adults lays our foundation
and we also hope children find other relationships that help them
feel that same sense of belonging, connectedness, value, and trust.

As peers become a bigger influence and children begin to experience disappointment and hurt, parents can help their children learn to identify, understand, and value their emotions.  Parents will continue to be that “safe space” kids can come back to no matter how old they are.  They will also teach their children how to identify, express, and then manage their emotions.  How to problem-solve and advocate for themselves.  The art of forgiveness, while learning how to accept feedback, use it appropriately and move past the words and actions that come to us with the intention of harm. 

Teaching children it is okay to hurt because they can use those experiences to learn and grow.  Helping them see the difference between hurt and harm.  Reenforcing the value and respect that has been taught along the path of life.

While our healthy and good-enough parents will always be our safe space, we strive for the independence to live life as healthy adults.  We will continue to choose people who will find joy in us, see the value, give the respect, maintain the connection, and demonstrate love and affection.

And this, my friends, is the journey of positive self-esteem that includes self-worth and value in ourselves, as well as the desire to continue to grow and learn.

For those of you who had parents who were unable to take you along this path, or who had parents who experienced bumps in the road taking you all off track, detours, dead ends, and accidents, YOU are in the driver’s seat now.  You can choose your path and find your value and self-worth and love.

As E.E. Cummings so eloquently stated,

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

Finding that space on your own, circles back to those adult relationships you find, create, and bring into your life.  Friends and mentors can help you connect to that sacred space of belongingness and love.  Sometimes, you would benefit from working with a good psychologist or therapist.

If you find yourself struggling and uncertain, please feel free to reach out.  Remember, Relationship Solutions Center focuses on

creating closeness and transforming relationships from the inside out.

31 Dec 2021

It’s Family Friday!

I was with a client earlier this week.  This client truly suffered in childhood and was raised in a toxic, unhealthy home.  There was significant emotional and psychological abuse, leading to a sense of self-worth that their only role in life is to take care of others. 

This brought them to me because this view of themself contributed to marrying someone who was also emotionally, psychologically, and financially abusive.  The spouse convinced them they had a personality disorder, that all the problems they faced were their fault and made it impossible for my client to have access to significant financial resources.

The other day, as we talked about the abuse growing up, I realized they had no sense of what healthy parenting involved.  Because of this, they also were unsure of what healthy adult friendships and romantic relationships involved.

As we ended the session, it made me think about Family Friday.  I want to help people understand what healthy parenting involves.  This is the cornerstone of both physical and mental health.

Since my thoughts are racing, I am going to take time to put some information together.  In the meantime, I do want to share the Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto Brené Brown wrote in 2012.  It is a good starting point.

Brené Brown shares her beliefs about what children should expect from their parents.
Wholehearted Parenting by Brené Brown

I hope this gets you thinking.  Feel free to comment below with your thoughts about what children deserve and have the right to expect from their parents.

Happy New Year

and I hope you enjoy spending relaxing, fun, quality time with your family!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please click “like” and share on your Social Media platforms. I also encourage you to reach out to me directly if you would like to talk further or if you have any questions. General comments are certainly welcome on this blog or if you got here through Facebook or LinkedIn.

30 Dec 2021

Welcome to Thursday Thoughts on Mental Illness!

Let’s talk about Mood Disorders

The diagnosis of a mood disorder means the primary feature is a disturbance in mood.  There are three types of mood disorders: Unipolar Depression, Bipolar Disorder, and Cyclothymic Disorder. 

CAUTION: While I am listing the specific symptoms of various mood disorders, this is NOT a substitute for an official diagnosis by a clinician, therapist, or psychologist.  There are nuances and rule outs professionals consider when making an accurate diagnosis.

To start, it would be helpful to understand Depression.  There are eight (8) types of Depression.  For brevity’s sake, I will only discuss four of them in this post.  They include:

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD)

The symptoms of DMDD begin before age 10.  The symptoms cannot be attributed to other types of depression, mania, or hypomania.  Specific symptoms include:

  1. Severe recurrent temper outbursts manifested verbally and/or behaviorally that are grossly out of proportion in intensity or duration to the situation or provocation.
  2. The temper outbursts are inconsistent with developmental level.
  3. The temper outbursts occur, on average, three (3) or more times per week.
  4. The mood between temper outbursts is persistently irritable or angry most of the day, nearly every day, and is observable by others.
  5. These symptoms have been present for twelve (12) or more months and throughout that time, the individual has not had a period lasting (3) or more consecutive months without all of the symptoms.

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

MDD looks different for everyone.  Folks need to report feeling depressed and/or a loss of interest or pleasure.  Beyond that, a person needs to have a minimum of five (5) symptoms.  Potential symptoms include:

  1. Significant unintentional weight loss or gain.
  2. Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.
  3. Psychomotor agitation or retardation.
  4. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
  5. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.
  6. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness nearly every day.
  7. Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation without a plan, or a suicide attempt, or a specific plan for committing suicide.

Persistent Depressive Disorder (previously known as Dysthymia)

The major difference between Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) and the other types of depression, is the depressed mood lasts at least two (2) years.  I tend to explain it as a milder form of depression or feeling “blah.”  Folks with chronically low self-esteem tend to have Persistent Depressive Disorder.  Most people can function well day-to-day.  They do not appear like the folks you see in the commercials for depression.  One characteristic I have noticed is a lack of spark or twinkle in their eyes. 

Officially, at least two (2) of the following symptoms must be present along with the depression for the course of the 2 years:

  1. Poor appetite or overeating.
  2. Insomnia or hyposomnia.
  3. Low energy or fatigue.
  4. Low self-esteem.
  5. Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions.
  6. Feelings of hopelessness.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PDD)

The symptoms of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder are present in the final week of the menstrual cycle and begin to improve within a few days of starting menstruation.  In the week following menstruation, there are minimal or no symptoms of depression.

Symptoms fall into two categories: in the first category, there needs to be one or more symptoms present.
  1. Marked effective mobility including mood swings, feeling suddenly sad or tearful, or increased sensitivity to rejection.
  2. Marked irritability or anger or increased interpersonal conflicts.
  3. Marked depressed mood, feelings of hopelessness, or self-depreciating thoughts.
  4. Marked anxiety, tension, and or feelings of being keyed up or on edge.
In the second category, a person must have at least five symptoms:
  1. Decreased interest in usual activities.
  2. Subjective difficulty in concentration.
  3. Lethargy, easily fatigued, or marked lack of energy.
  4. Marked change in appetite; overeating; or specific food cravings.
  5. Hypersomnia or insomnia.
  6. A sense of being overwhelmed or out of control.
  7. Physical symptoms such as breast tenderness or swelling, joint or muscle pain, and a sensation of quote bloating or weight gain.

You made it!  I know this was a lot to take in.   Look for my next blog on Thursday Thoughts On Mental Illness and I will go through the remaining diagnoses in the depression category.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please hit “like” and share on your Social Media platforms. I also encourage you to reach out to me directly if you would like to talk further or if you have any questions. General comments that do not discuss your symptoms are certainly welcome on this blog or if you got here through Facebook or LinkedIn.

29 Dec 2021

Welcome to Relationship Wisdom Wednesday!

In the past, I have talked about “love banks,” for individuals. We also have love banks for each relationship we are in – from family to friends to coworkers to romantic partners.

Just like a financial bank account, your deposits into the various love banks need to exceed your withdrawals or else you are “in the red” and the account is depleted.

In a relationship, the withdrawals consist of various behaviors, including but not limited:

  • Sarcasm
  • Ridiculing
  • Threatening
  • Accusing
  • Labeling
  • Taunting
  • Laughing
  • Blaming
  • Failures or missed opportunities to meet the other persons’ needs.

When withdrawals happen, it chips away at the relationship, causing disconnection.  Eventually, if we continue to withdraw from the love bank without making deposits, the relationship is depleted. It is crucial we make daily deposits into the love bank.

Check out this Relationship Love Bank for some ideas for types of deposits you can make in your relationships.

What are your favorite ways to add deposits into your relationship love banks?

2 Sep 2021

Suicide Prevention Month 2021

Are you wondering why you should read this blog? Or share it?

I’ll tell you why.

Because Suicide Touches All Communities

In this past year, Nation wide,

  • There were 1.4 million attempts and more than 47,000 deaths from suicide.
  • Suicide is at its highest level and is still rising.
  • Rural counties are being hit the hardest with suicide rates double the rate in urban counties.
  • There has been an alarming 50% increase of suicide rates among women.

It’s important to know, everyone can help decrease these numbers. The first step is to know the

Risk Factors

  • Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders and certain personality disorders
  • Alcohol and other substance use disorders
  • Hopelessness
  • Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies
  • History of trauma or abuse
  • Major physical illnesses
  • Previous suicide attempt
  • Family history of suicide
  • Job or financial loss
  • Loss of relationship
  • Easy access to lethal means
  • Local clusters of suicide
  • Lack of social support and sense of isolation
  • Stigma associated with asking for help
  • Lack of health care, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment
  • Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
  • Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)

While those who are contemplating suicide don’t always demonstrate warning signs, most do. The

Warning Signs

#BeThe1To be aware of the risks and notice the signs, then

include:

  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves.
  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online or buying a gun.
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Talking about being a burden to others.
  • Increasing their use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
  • Sleeping too little or too much.
  • Withdrawing or isolating themselves.
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
  • Displaying extreme mood swings.

Suicide is preventable.

Thank you for committing to doing your part.

If you are in crisis or having suicidal thoughts, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Please call 800.273.8255, 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

22 Apr 2021

Getting the Word Out About Collaborative Divorce

Who are all these people on Relationship Solutions Center website?

Along with some of my collaborative colleagues, I have put an ad in the Illinois Psychological Association (IPA) quarterly newsletter that was published and distributed on Friday, April 16th.

Our hope is to educate psychologists about the benefits of collaborative divorce. As you know, or can imagine, psychologists are right there with folks as they make the difficult decision about the future of their relationship. While my general view is to work toward improving a relationship, there are times it is best for a couple (or throuple) to go their separate ways.

How does Dr. Irgang work with folks who are struggling in their relationships?

My guide is always safety first. If there is evidence of domestic violence, I help the victim create a safe space.

Outside of safety, my goal is to help change happen. I have a lot of thoughts about change, but most important in these situations is to

try to create change if both people are willing, capable and ready to change.

(a frequent quote by Dr. Irgang)

When a person works to create change, yet still feels unhappy or dissatisfied, the best solution for them might be divorce.

What if change doesn’t happen?

In this case, I truly feel Collaborative Divorce is the best option. Collaborative Divorce allows couples to:

  • Maintain control of the decisions and process
  • Allows the ability to think outside the box, while respecting statutes/state laws
  • Keeps the process private and out of court (until the final papers are ready)
  • Get the necessary help managing emotions (particularly during negotiations), improve conflict resolution skills and improve communication. This is especially crucial if you have children together. Even if you don’t have children together, the skills you will learn can help in other relationships – both personal and professional.

If you are thinking about, or are ready to transition to this next stage of your life, please reach out to myself or one of my colleagues. We are happy to explain the process in more detail. We are there for you every step of the way!

15 Apr 2021

Answering a reader’s question

Progress Pride Flag

I recently had someone ask why I have been sharing articles about polyamory and kink.

For those who do not know, one of my areas of specialty includes working with folks who fall anywhere in the spectrum of “alternative sexuality.” Sexuality is broken down to include anatomical sex

  • anatomical sex
  • gender identification (GLBTQIA+)
  • gender expression
  • sexual orientation
  • relationship structures & styles (monogamy or non-monogamy; consensual power exchange)
  • sexual attraction
  • sexual activities

As you can see, there are several areas of sexuality where a person can identify as “non-traditional” or “alternative.” While a person’s mental health is not considered unhealthy just because they fall somewhere along the alternative spectrum, working with a sensitive and aware psychologist is often a preference as it can play a role in the issues and concerns brought into therapy.

So, I have been posting information to educate all of you, destigmatize alternative sexuality, and address concerns specific to folks in these communities.

While there is not one all-inclusive pride flag, I have found 3 that encapsulate the possibilities in terms of sexuality and I’m including them here. I can explain the meaning of each flag in a separate post if you are interested.

BDSM Pride Flag

Polyamory Pride Flag