Family dispute help for your clients

What happens to divorcing couples in the middle of a pandemic?
Where can parents go for help with custody disputes when the courts are closed?
Families are in crisis, and they don’t know where to turn.

Collaborative Practice is an internationally-recognized method created to help divorcing couples, and parents manage divorce and child custody matters peacefully without the courts.

On May 27th at 12:00 p.m. (CST), the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals is hosting a FREE information session about Collaborative Practice and its benefits.

Learn new ways to get your clients the help they need and expand your local referral network.
Local civic, social, business, religious, and community groups, as well as professional associations, are invited.

As a service provider, you see firsthand how COVID-19 is devastating our community. Let’s work together to provide solutions.

Seats are limited. Register now.

https://www.collaborativepractice.com/civicrm/event/register?reset=1&id=83

The Six Stages of Grief

I had planned on writing about grief later in the month, but after my 99-year-old grandmother passed on Sunday, I decided it makes more sense for me to talk about grief now.

“Grief is what we feel inside. Mourning is what we experience and show to others on the outside. So I can never see your grief or judge your grief by whether or not you’re crying or angry or upset. Only you will ever know your grief.” David Kessler

In my experience, those of you who find a way to mourn have a healthier path to healing.  Holding on to your grief can be destructive in small or big ways.  It can also impact you years down the road. 

Mourning can include traditions of attending a funeral and going to a wake or Shiva.  Maybe you participate in a collective bathing and dressing of your loved one.  Maybe you say prayers.  Others might light a candle, wear a piece of jewelry or clothing, and/or make a donation or plant a tree.  Mourning is an individual, and can be a collective, process.  I encourage you to find something that is meaningful for you.

The emotions related to grief are encapsulated in the Five Stages of Grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross, M.D. in her groundbreaking book, “On Death and Dying” (1969).  The non-linear stages are:

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to Brene Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us, and her discussion with grief expert, David Kessler.  (https://brenebrown.com/podcast/david-kessler-and-brene-on-grief-and-finding-meaning/) In his newest book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, David discussing this healing step that helps folks “move on.”  (Though I have to tell you, I find the phrases “move on” or “get over it” diminishing and hurtful.)

Finding meaning is a way to help us understand and remember those you lost to death with a focus on loving memories rather than pain.  He shows us how to move forward in a way that honors our loved ones.

This really stood out to me as this is the struggle I see when working with those of you dealing with grief.  I have often seen acceptance delayed because someone cannot find meaning to the loss of their loved ones.

I know when I think about my grandmother, or “grams” as I always called her, I am fortunate to have a lot of positive memories.  Her laugh, her favorite drink, all the summers spent in the backyard pool and garden are just some of them.  There are ways I will mourn now and will continue to mourn and honor her throughout my life.

If you need help processing your grief and healing, please reach out.  I am here for you.

What fills your love bank?

A love bank is how you feel connected, cared about and valued by others.

The concept of a LOVE BANK was first developed by Dr. William Harley in 1986. It is how you consciously or unconsciously keep track of how others treat you.

Like a bank that holds our money, making more deposits than withdrawals are one way to ensure you have successful, healthy relationships.

In evaluating your “account,” first evaluate if you are overdrawn and if the withdrawals tend to happen more often and/or are larger than your deposits.  You might need to work on your instincts and habits that consistently make withdrawals.

I have found it is important to know how deposits in your bank can be made so others do not have to guess or “mind read.”  Our emotional needs typically fall within 5 categories, or love languages, which were developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992.  They are:

  1. Words of affirmation – being encouraging, acknowledging positives, etc.
  2. Acts of service – helping in ways that are meaningful to the other person
  3. Receiving gifts – anything from a card up to something more extravagant
  4. Quality time – spending time together in ways that are meaningful to the other person
  5. Physical touch – showing physical affection

.

Over the years, I have found people tend to show their love in the ways they feel loved.  Therefore, it is crucial each person identifies specific behaviors within each category that make them feel loved.

For example, if you like to sit next to your partner on the couch but your partner wants their space, you might feel rejected.  Or, if you help your partner by researching something on the Internet and telling them what to do, while they want to make their own decision, this could lead to anger and resentment.

So…identify your love languages by taking this super simple test, https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/, come up with a list of at least 10 examples for each of your top categories and share it with others!

You will find you feel more connected, valued, and loved!

What is a psychologist and what do we do?

Over the course of the month, I will be talking about various mental health concerns.  Before doing so, I thought it would be helpful to define psychology and what a psychologist does.

Psychology is the scientific study of the mind and behavior.  To use the title of Psychologist, a person must have a doctoral degree and pass all the competencies named below.

While in graduate school, the candidate takes classes on:

  • Clinical issues
  • Creating, conducting, analyzing, and writing about research topics.
  • Learning how to conduct, analyze and write reports using intellectual, psychological, and personality tests.
  • In addition to passing classes, candidates must pass additional competency exams at various stages of education.
  • Using research to write and defend a dissertation.

In a Psy.D. program (Doctor of Psychology), which is the type of degree I have, there is a significant emphasis on clinical training involving:

  1. A year-long, part-time practicum conducting psychological testing.
  2. A year-long, part-time practicum as a therapist.
  3. A year-long full-time internship.

After completing all these steps, the candidate receives their doctoral degree. An internship totalling 2,000 hours follows.

The next step is to pass a national competency exam covering 11 areas of psychology.  Some states require an additional exam for their specific laws and ethical codes. 

Once becoming a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, we are required to demonstrate continuing education in multi-cultural issues, ethics, and clinical knowledge/skills. In Illinois, psychologist must obtain 24 hours over the course of two years to maintain their license.  Phew!  That’s a lot to read through, isn’t it?

Clinical psychology involves the application of what we learn through scientific study.  We focus on treatment of:

  • Neurodevelopmental disorders such as intellectual disabilities, autism spectrum disorders, ADHD
  • Psychotic disorders including schizophrenia and delusional disorders
  • Mood disorders such as bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety disorders
  • Sleep disorders
  • Food related disorders in childhood and older including pica and anorexia nervosa
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Gender dysphoria
  • Addictions or substance use concerns
  • Neurocognitive disorders due to Huntington’s or Parkinson, as well as dementia
  • Personality disorders
  • Pedophilia and other paraphilic disorders
  • Relationship problems including family conflict, abuse
  • Other concerns including educational problems, problems related to finance.

Psychologists treat the whole person.  We take into consideration your environment, cultural/ethnic background and how your concerns are impacting various areas of your life.

The issues I discuss this month might not always be directly or obviously related to the disorders I have identified above.  I will show you, though, how they are connected to the problems and the overall impact on your/our lives.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

With the 1st also being a day to celebrate Mother Goose, the author of fairy tales nursery rhymes we love.

In that spirit, I’ve written my first rhyme. I hope it works and you like it.

As mental health awareness month begins,

            It’s time to think about what comes from within.

Our thoughts and views,

            We’ve learned not just from news.

Competency, confidence and managing stress

          Are crucial to your mental success.

And with success we have a drive

            To help ourselves and others strive.

For relationships that have lots of value.

            Feeding self-love, healthy connection and renewal.

Look ahead in this month to come

            For thoughts and ways to become,

The one you love.

            With continued growth and authenticity,

            Your mental health will bloom abundantly.